Michelle is motivated to cultivate a new blossoming of collective evolution and relieve suffering caused by what she refers to as existential dissonance. Existence has a language and words are inadequate to describe it, unless we let certain ones be framed in complex relation to each other in a way that is in harmony with subtle, dynamic reality. What Michelle has extracted is the complex algorithmic structure of existence’s language. The resulting meaning relationships beg unique forms of contemplation and are consistent with a wide range of perspective factories and factual gardens – from scientific and spiritual to philosophical.
About her spiritual journey she says, “While many people, especially in Western cultures, struggle with a search for ‘purpose’ in life, for me it’s been the opposite. That said, my purpose was never to awaken spiritually, yet that’s what eventually happened.
In 1995, at the age of 23, I had a pretty cool existential crisis. With the peace and wonder I found myself enveloped in, I went on to research a variety of academic topics from the perspective of ‘how do we know?’ After five years, I had developed a unified theory of physics.
I was also married and had a young son. I worked on staff at a university research lab and as a ghostwriter.
It was very exciting to have this beautiful theory. For many years I couldn’t figure out why other people didn’t share my enthusiasm. It had become my purpose to convince others that such a miracle was possible. While better educated than the average person, I was in no way qualified in the eyes of academicians to have such insights. ‘How can you care about qualifications when we’re talking about unification!’ was a perspective that, mercifully, seemed as obvious to me then as it does today. I learned to live with being ignored — a crackpot. I even had fun with it, and over time made my way through a wide variety of related insights using modest academic and spiritual pursuits, as well as fictional narrative, as my media. The disconnect that deepened between my inner and outer worlds, however, did lead me into murky relationship waters.
So, after a divorce, remarriage, custody battle, second child and second divorce… faced with overpowering heartbreak and raw emotion … I underwent ego death. It happened totally spontaneously, and was the biggest relief of my life. Externally my life stabilized and internally it blossomed. I let my long-time urge for unity, which had been relegated to an increasingly private corner of my life, occupy its center. While incredibly challenging to navigate, most days I took the accompanying and unrelenting healing phenomena as the adventure of a lifetime.”
That was five and a half years ago. Today Michelle remains guided only by her own divinely tuned instrument (the body), which she experiences as in communion with subtle reality. She consults with capable body-workers and a counselor for awakening support and reflection. She dances. She continues to heal her broken relationships and establish new ones as possible to expand her experience of family, community, and the divine.
And then there’s that pesky purpose that bumps along contentedly for the ride.
Course: Beginning Big Intelligence
Interview recorded 2/27/2016.
Video and audio below. Audio also available as a Podcast.