353. Tree

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“The spiritual journey does not consist in gaining what a person does not have, but in dissipation of ignorance concerning himself and life, and the growth of understanding which begins with spiritual awakening. To find God is to come to one’s own self.” – Avatar Meher Baba.

No longer the person with its conditioning and history, here now there is only this and the overall feeling is “I don’t mind.” No fear, no push, a great emptiness that is also a rich and all-pervading fullness. Here there is silence, peace and an exquisite sense of joy. Here it feels so light there is no distance, ‘marinating in the self.’ It is as if nothing is happening here yet happening graciously unfolds.

To look back at the dream, the necessary mistaken identity, it seemed like so much happened. Personhood was such psychological suffering. Separation, a feverish, fearful struggle, always restless, dissatisfied, looking outside for love and fulfillment. Now peace, and love reside here.

I have spent thirty years with Avatar Meher Baba in deep devotion. Baba has administered his kiss and his kick, expertly unraveling the ego identity. Longing for the truth and with nothing more to express in this life, I knew I was going to die, not sure if it was the body or the ego, I completely surrendered.

Shortly after, whilst watching Mooji on the net, he pointed, and I said with total conviction, “I am That”. In that recognition I hysterically and uncontrollably laughed for hours. When I could hardly breathe from the laughter and I asked God to help me, the laughter only escalated. The funniest thing, the divine joke was that I knew I had always been that.

I love Meher Baba and Mooji – the brightest reflections of the true self I know. It is quiet here as I experience the bliss and love of the self.

Book: Hot Flush Dark Cave: One Woman’s Spiritual Transformation Through Menopause