091. Ellie Roozdar

Ellie RoozdarEllie is a happily married woman for 29 years. She has been blessed, with two beautiful children—a lovely daughter and a sweet son.

She has graduated from SUNY at Stony Brook and has been teaching mathematics in high school and community colleges. After changing her career, she worked in Information Technology as a Quality Assurance Manager for many years.

Since childhood, she was seeing herself as a vision, which was not associated with the body at all. The question was arising, “Who am I?” This was never answered and it was there in her heart for a long time…
Since the year 2001, she has been inspired:

  1. To get to know who she is
  2. To find what she is searching for

For the past few years, she has had wonderful experiences by “going within,” meditating and discovering the Truth. The Truth reveals itself to itself by itself.
She would like to share these experiences with you.
She hopes that by reading her story, you also get inspired to “go within” and “discover” who you really are, and also find the authentic joy that resides within.

This is simply a discovery, not to become anyone or anything. Remember: Joy is already there, it just needs to be uncovered.
We learn to go within and to be a witness of the “nothingness.” It may be frightening at the beginning. All our life we want to be somebody and add something to ourselves and now we will face “nothingness.”
She wishes you all patience and the best of luck on this path. Please know that this is the best thing and the most important thing that you can do for yourself.

You will be happy that you took time and discover your True Self.

Love and light!

Ellie’s website

2nd interview with Ellie

Interview recorded 10/16/2011

Italian subtitled version of this interview.

Video and audio below. Audio also available as a Podcast.

19 thoughts on “091. Ellie Roozdar

  1. Yeah, actually the Rumi poem resulted in a heartgasm on this side of the cable 🙂 It’s very refreshing to hear such a clear expression of nonduality once in a while. Thanx for this interview, guys!

  2. I loved it when you said that this is not a path of becoming.

    I also enjoyed listening to the meditation experiencences that you had.
    I am sure it was such a relief for all the watchers when you said you don’t need to have all the same experiences that you had during your meditation, because that would have made it one hard path to follow !!! and you mentioned that this experience is very unique in each and everyone…SIGH OF RELIEF !!

    Another great feeling you brough up in me when you said let things happen to you , jump to the unknown…and trust !!!
    Thank you and looking forward for more interviews with you.

    LOve & Light, Elle

  3. Elli gave a beautiful and descriptive narrative on the different stages in the progressive growth of awareness. No one step could have been overlooked or skipped over from my personal understanding and experience of consciouslness. I look forward to experiencing them all.

  4. I make space so that I can fill it. That is the first memory that I created from myself before I taught myself to read. Later, at age 15, I reminded myself of the same thing, but this time with the words, “You are in this world but not from it…”. And after that (about 39 years later) I, once again, began to reveal to myself the same spaciousness which, eventually, led me back to myself (as if I had ever left, uh?).

    Your comments about your journey were delightful, so delightful to listen to, because I got to see myself again. I love being reminded of me, watching, waiting, rejoicing in myself.

    What is unity without its expression in multiplicity.

    Clark (the first name I gave myself)

  5. Ellie,
    When I look, right now…I am nothing and there is no past and no future. I really don’t where I am or what I really need, yet I am not uncomfortable.

  6. Wonderful interview — inspiring and so much more than that! Thank you Ellie and Rick. I want to hear more from you Ellie. And I’m glad you have a website! Much love. Ev

  7. wow, so many are awkened and optmistic; soon the world be awkend
    at this rate.
    these nondulaist sound mercless so i have to react.
    they only see it thiere way;
    it is so frustratin that one have to react.

  8. I love your comment about nothingness and Addam. Watching, without judgment, as the entire world, everything, appears in our presence.

  9. Rick, this interview deeply impressed me. Basically, she said that is any identification with the egoic mind comes up, even occasionally, then full awakening has not happened. This is a strict standard, but it rings true to me. And, I believe this is the standard that we need to use in measuring our own attainment. From this perspective, most who have claimed awakening would have to reflect and be humbled. Thank you, BW

  10. “Basically, she said that is any identification with the egoic mind comes up, even occasionally, then full awakening has not happened. This is a strict standard.” -BW

    Only if you desire to believe in gradations of awakening (i.e. full).

    Absent that need or desire, then the experience simply is:

    “At the moment, this particular thought has an adhesive quality and is providing the impression/appearance that there is a me that it is stuck to.

    And yet, at another moment, it does not.”

    Sometimes it does, and sometimes it does not.

    Perfectly acceptable, this is. Even when it is not. 🙂

  11. Thank you Rick and Ellie! Ellie pointed to a subtle and significant distinction of TRUTH, “Silence is the reflection of Truth, the aroma, the shadow…Truth is always…never comes and goes…” What rose up with in me, was a question “What knows silence, stillness is here? Simple and profound!”
    She also shared “When the mind is liberated the mind surrenders…it effortlessly comes back to truth.”
    Beautiful interview!

  12. Comments from viewers, sent to Ellie:

    Dear Ellie:
    I watched your interview with Rick Archer at “BatGap” over the weekend and was really moved by your words and your passion for realization. Thank you for doing that!
    I have watched many of his interviews; all very nice, very beautiful stories; but I have to say that your clarity, intensity and obvious fullness of understanding knocked me out of my chair!
    I was an “earnest seeker in the 70’s and 80’s. All my life I have been drawn to finding “what is behind the curtain” of our everyday experience. “Who am I” and “What is REALLY going on here” have always been my perpetual questions.
    In the mid-eighties for some reason most of this went away. For the next twenty years or so I felt like a lost soul. I had a normal life, a family and good jobs, but felt an emptiness and incompleteness that suffocated me. I changed jobs, moved, ended up in divorce, etc, etc. I made many bad decisions and suffered many bad outcomes. For some reason I had slipped back into the sad dream that fulfillment was “out there”.
    In 2005, unexpected, unsought, suddenly and with extraordinary intensity the hunger for realization, for finishing the work, whatever that was, returned to me. I had, and still have, a lot of intense Kundalini activity. Meditation experiences that used to be profound and transcendent have become my normal nature. Every cell of my body has become a radiant energy field.
    I believe that these experiences are the physical brain and nervous system somehow adapting or evolving to support awakening to the truth. I found myself listening to teachers, returning to retreats and satsangs, etc. It took a few years but intellectually I think I well understand these experiences, the philosophy of the teachers of Advaita, what non-duality is, the original teachings of the Vedanta and Shankara, etc., etc.
    I am simply at the point where the intellectual quest is at an end. The witness observer is slowly becoming my normal state. Not all the time, but more and more. This body/mind machine is but another bit of the flow of life in this manifestation of experience. It is all one, like all the reflections of a mirror are all one mirror.
    But as the famous teacher Nisargadatta said, the “witness awareness” is the doorway to the truth, it is not the truth! So I feel as if perhaps I stand at the doorway in some small way.
    You said exactly this in your interview with Rick. The witness is maybe a “stage”, but is not the truth. Clearly the witness and that experience of the witness are fully in duality (for who is experiencing this witness phenomenon anyway?). I abide in that understanding.
    The reason I wanted to write was to perhaps ask you to comment a little on your use of the word, “jump”. This is most important and so poorly understood, certainly by me, maybe by most of us, I think.
    It seems to me that there are 4 requirements for maximizing the possibility of a realization shift: a good intellectual understanding; passion for the truth (intensity, as Nisargadatta calls it); doing the “work”; and finally, for want of a better word, grace. “Grace” means that the final “jump” is a gift, not under one’s control.
    Humans are very good at building models of reality. We start with the first experience of “me” and “other”, maybe at age 2 or so. From that moment on every event, experience, perception is evaluated in terms of that “original sin” of duality based on a body/mind “me”. So the process we are now talking about, realization is simply one of collapsing the model. Collapsing the localized body/mind “I”. Thus I am not sure I see it as spirituality or mysticality at all anymore. It is a practical clearing of the false notion that “I” am separate.
    So the idea of “jump” is the idea of complete surrender, unconditional, but also seems to imply some sort of action by the person. Many teachers have said that realization/awakening is a form of death, a form of suicide. I am ready for this. I welcome it. I await it.
    So now I am a man, very happy, healthy, mostly at peace, who only wants to “jump”. Your words seemed to have been directed to me personally so I felt compelled to write and thank you for that. If perhaps you have some words of wisdom for someone who has been thrown into the river of seeking and doesn’t know how to get out, they would be most appreciated!
    Hello my darling Ellie.
    I listened to your interview on BatGap both yesterday and today. I felt your sincerity and compassion for the struggle with the human confusion and the willingness to support the unfolding. Thank you thank you thank you. I love you, I love you, I love you!!!!
    My opening started with a dream. It was spontaneous and came from within. Since then I have been to many retreats and enjoyed them all. However, I cannot take in the advice of teachers, except the one who told me to go inside and look for myself. I have no questions for them but still I love them and am grateful for the space and teachings. Since my dream 14 years ago I have been winding my way back home. It is a slow slog. In my heart I know everything is perfect yet I also know I am not home. I appreciate what you said about the surrender of the mind. Jump Jump Jump!! All I have ever wanted to do is Jump. No matter where I’ve been on the path. It doesn’t feel like fear is in the way. I know what this Reality is and I rejoice. How can I be so full of love for this that I am and not be this that I am? How can I find my way home?
    Once again, thank you for appearing in my world and bringing your particular clarity.

    Dear Ellie,
    Thank you so very much for sharing your life experiences with us. I watched your interview on Batgap.com. I was taken by everything you said there.
    For the lack of a better word, let’s say as a ‘seeker’ I visit this and many other similar websites to listen to the varied experiences of people like you. I have listened to many so called ‘enlightened’ people but for some reason your experiences truly resonated with me more than anyone else’s. No, I have not had any Kundalini awakening nor any other types like — ‘seeing everything exist in you’ that you shared with us. Instead, for me, there’s a constant, strong yet guiding voice from the gut- it’s more similar to normal thoughts than a voice – from within that tells me things that seems to agree with a lot of things you are saying. I can’t really put my finger on why what you are saying resonates with me, but it surely does.
    I find myself much quieter within than I ever used to be, but on occasions things do seem to rattle my cage and that surprises me. Therefore, I would appreciate if you would answer this question for me. Despite your much higher spiritual experiences, do you ever find yourself thrown off during any of your day-to-day not-so-pleasant interactions with people, things or situations? Does anything ever get you upset, for example say, in your home life or outside environment that, when it happens, you wonder how could you be thrown off or disturbed by such an incident or someone’s negative comment despite your awakenings? I don’t mean throwing fits over something or getting angry at someone, but does it shake you up internally? I know you said that the life doesn’t change, it remains exactly the same and I agree. What changes is simply your view of the world.
    However, I am wondering when and if you catch yourself between a rock and a hard place, do you wonder how the heck something silly like this could press your hot buttons?? Could it be because the ego and the old conditioning is still lurking around and it takes time to wash it all off? The Shift doesn’t happen the instant you are awakened. It’s a slow process. Do you agree? I don’t think life is all “peachy’ after the awakening or is it??
    I would really appreciate your answer to that. I have been wanting to ask this very same question to many other guests on BatGap and other sites but I doubt any of those other so called enlightened ones would own up to this truth. For some reason or the other I feel very comfortable asking you this.
    I would love to converse with you over the phone sometimes if that’s possible.
    I look forward to hearing from you.

    Warm regards,

  13. Hi Rick,

    Thank you for this awesome interview.. there was so much clarity in it..

    I would like to know Ellie’s website or email adress 🙂

    Does she have any website? I couldn’t find it..

    Thank you!

  14. This is simply an incredible interview! I have never heard someone describe the experience as clearly as Ellie has. It hit a nerve in me and suddenly so much is so obvious. Thank you for the work that you are doing and all the great interviews. It is very much appreciated.

  15. Thanks Rick, Another excellent interview. I think it noteworthy that Ellie offers all that she offers for free. How rare. Loved the no nonsense directness saturated with love and enthusiasm.

  16. This interview opened new vistas for me. Ellie’s description of the stages of awakening she went through is so inspiring, and has clarified a great deal for me. Thanks Rick and Ellie.

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